7 Secrets Of A Great Listener

1. The key to good listening is empathy. It is the heart and soul of communication

“To experience empathy, you have to put yourself in the other person’s place and allow yourself to feel what it is like to be her at that moment. This is not an easy thing to do. It takes energy and concentration. But it is a generous and helpful thing to do, and it facilitates communication like nothing else does.”

There are other steps to guide us into becoming an affective listener:

2. Reflective Listening
Be natural with responses: (must be well-timed).
Summarize – “You were in an awkward situation. Sounds like he didn’t pay attention to your opinion.”
Paraphrase – “What you’re saying is he refused to take you to the dance?”
Restate – “You didn’t make the football squad? No wonder you’re disappointed. I don’t blame you.”
Replay – “You made the gymnastic team? How thrilling.”
Show you understand, “You’re saying your sister ignores you?”

3. Avoid distractions
Don’t look away, fidget, or watch TV.
Concentrate on the person speaking not on what you want to say.
Be attentive during your conversation, stay focused.

4. Body Language
How you stand, sit, move your arms and hands, establish eye contact are all important listening skills.
I was walking down the corridor in a hospital when I ran into my doctor walking briskly toward me. He stopped, smiled, and greeted me. Knowing he probably had a patient in 5 minutes I tried to make our conversation short. He folded his arms and casually leaned against the wall, facing me directly. He made eye contact and listened as if he had all the time in the world. It was evident he was interested in what I had to say. The conversation ended and he picked up his pace again and hurried toward his office.

5. Don’t interrupt
Be patient, wait until the person finishes before interjecting your comments.
Don’t change the subject.
Unless indicated, refrain from stating a solution.
Be cautious not to answer your phone or turn your attention to someone else.

6. Interject encouraging statements
“I can see you’re happy about your new puppy.”
During conversation occasionally say, “Hmm or uh huh,”
“You made the team? I’m thrilled.”
“OK, go on.”
“Oh?”
Nod your head from time to time
Simply state, “Tell me more.”
Use positive statements, “Thank you for sharing”
“I like what you’re telling me.”
“I agree, your decision to stay home from the movie was wise.”

7. Respond with emotion
Laugh with him or her
Smile in response to happy information
Return fearful reaction when fitting
Show positive facial expressions during cheerful statements.
Demonstrate enthusiasm
Express sadness when appropriate